My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
