dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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