I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
