I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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