I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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