I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
