I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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