You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
