Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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