you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
