I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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