U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
