Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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