singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
