just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
