My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
