A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
