if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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