I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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