The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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