I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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