Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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