i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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