I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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