Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
