I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
