Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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