hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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