hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Randomize
