There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
