My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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