Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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