Where is the hickey?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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