You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
