I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
