oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
