I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
