well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
