alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
