so explain again why im purple
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.