So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This couple is walking their pig around campus