I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
