dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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