Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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