spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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