I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
