So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
