So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He passed out mid-signature
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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