I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
