it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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