I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
