Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
