how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
