Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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