I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
