I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
