Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
