you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
