Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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