i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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