i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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