im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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