i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
