real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
