I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize