remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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