we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
