The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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