But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
