its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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