so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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