I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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