If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
